Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
'Take what you want.'"

The first engineer nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the  glass  is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been
waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such  ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special  prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

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Understanding Engineers - Take Four

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it  cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with  that?"

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Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers  believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He  bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess
and that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."